Willingness to ask for Help

I am finding it not see easy to ask for help these days. I went through a lot of pain this past week, and the pain is just beginning to lift. I guess the solution lies in surrender to those things which I cannot channge. I cannot change people, places, things, situations, and the actions of others. I can only attempt to maintain my recovery by making progress in my day-to-day affairs.

I have been pretty unwilling to ask for help up to today. Today, I got honest with myself, God, and important people in my support system. That is the key. Honesty. Honesty is the key that unlocks the doors to recovery. I was backsliding. I was hiding out. I was ignoring my responsibilities to myself. I was mistreating myself by pushing myself to the limits.

It took willingness today to ask for help. I woke with the realization that I need to change, pick up the wreckage of my recent past, and move forward. I am ready. I need to be 100% ready for God to enter my life and be the center of my universe to unveil the diamond which lurcks beneath the muddy waters. I am ready to let go. I just need to get to a place where I am spiritually fit to do. If I am not spiritually fit, how can I ask for help from God?  I am mentally, spiritually, and physically broken down. I have hit as low as I need to go.

The amazing throughout all of this rebellioousness is that I have not picked up a drink or drug. I have been able to continue to abstain despite torchering myself with self-will run riot. I do not need to go any further down. I can stop that train, and I can get off now. It is high time.

I put myself in risky situation for a week. I know better than that. I know how to attend to recovery and do what it is I am supposed to do. I even lied without needing to. I just wanted to save my ass and my face at the same time. I know I can't do that. I have to be honest in all my affairs.

Today, I have the willingness to ask for help. Today, I am ready to admit my powerlessness over the past and work toward common solutions in self-help groups. I can do this without needing to fill some imaginary hole in my life created by over-exagerated sense of self-importance. I understand what thtat means now. The night I found out I lost something of great value to me, I began my gambling spree. This method of replacement is not going to work anymore. I know it won't. I have all I need between myself, my God, and the fellowship which surrounds me. I am ready to turn it over. I just need to get spiritually fit in order to do so. This wreckage in my life I have created will take some time. I need patience. But, most of all, I need to ask for help. I need to ask for help from fellow addicts and work toward the solution of surrender. I am ready. When the student is ready, the teacher willl appear. I will wait patiently,

Peace,
Andy