Since the day I met you, you began to look outside of yourself for comfort and peace. I didn't realize this then, but I do now. I have seen you hurt yourself, others, your higher power, and even me too many times to not let this pass by. You will end up missing opportunities, and I will end up the enabler of all enablers if I should continue in my behavior.
I took my inventory early on to see the harm I caused. I presented you with the information. You hung on so long we could not get passed it. Now, I find myself taking your inventory. where is the action? Where is the solution? What lengths are you willing to go to? Is your job or status in the community more important than recovery? I have a hard time answering these questions, because I truly don't know. I do know you have a desire, and therefore you are equal to everyone in the rooms of recovery.
I want to say I love you. In fact, I will say I love you. But, perhaps my nightmare the other morning signifies my true self. Shouting out in my deadness that I cannot put up with the behavior anymore signifies the one true thing your lack of efforts as caused. That one true thing is I trust zero percent. I have no expectations. I have no hopes. I have no dreams. And it is all because these have been shatttered by the pattern you have created.
When I first met you, you were willing to work at a new life. And then, something awful happened. You even invited me to join you in the partaking of the substance. I wonder about the jeopardy and peril you have placed me in.
I say all this not because I want to point out your shorcomings. For, I know it feels when others point our shortcomings. I say these things because I care about not only your recovery but mine as well. I care for your heart and soul, just as I care fo mine. I wonder, though, what happens when we mix our potions of toxins together. We have recently seen the results, and these were not good.
I pray for you little one. I pray for your peace and finding of satisfaction in the small things of life. I pray I may help you learn to love yourself. I pray for so much more that to be specific could be begging the creator.
I have faith in God 100% and trust Him with my the care of my will and my life. I have recently had one pair of footprints, where he was carrying us both through challenging times. Now, we come out to face the conseqences. I may be taking things harder than you right now because my life lies in the hands of recovery. I just want to be supportive, even if it means we walk away for you to have some time to gather yourself together. You need this time. And I can be alone and find peace in the peson I am on the inside.
These are hard questions we must ask of ourelves to find the next right answer. For in the end, we must choose God's will and not our own.
Win the good fight, lissy. Win waht is ever so right. I can be hurth no more, and should you choose, I will have to be threw. The morning is young because I am in pain. The pain is real from the inventory I take inside. Perhapas. as has been suggested, I should have let you go a long time back when we first met. Then, perhaps today I would not be finding my sou in this misery.