Keeping the Ball RollingSo, time has caught up to me, and I let the momentum inching me forward cease. What now? I dislike it when I have to ask myself this rhetorical question amidst the chaos of emotions inside. Of course the answer is provided for me in the solution to the problem: Pick up the pieces scattered about, gather my strengths through taking inventory of assets, and begin again to move forward in the journey of recovery. Sometimes, I feel as if I am just sitting in my mess, waiting for something to propel me forward. I even feel at times as if I should pick up the patterns which led me into addiction in my young adult life. But, most of the time I realize the power of turning toward the solution. I have learned to engage in the next right thing to lead me out of darkness. I have learned the importance of asking for help from my supporters. I utilize the teachers in my life to guide me from self-centered fear toward an honest appraisal of the situation. I am pretty versed in wreckage control from living with addiction. However, these days I demand more from myself. Wreckage control takes place after the fact. I am looking toward ways of avoiding needing wreckage control at all. I am learning to utilize my assets to allow me to simply be alive. As my supporters offer wisdom in times of need, I become empowered to make healthy choices which affect the outcomes of my daily actions. I have realized the importance of remaining teachable, humble, and putting into action the wisdom I attain from others. When I reach an emotional bottom in my journey, I am working on acceptance of this immediately and quickly doing something to propel me forward again. I believe in the importance of action today. For, I stagnated too long in my addictions. I am working a strong, solid program these days. The importance of putting into action the tools I have attained cannot be underestimated. These tools allow me to utilize skills in order to cope in healthy ways. Driving down the road to the grocery store can be stressful these days for me. As I experience stress in a variety of settings, I have had a tendency to turn inward toward self-centered behaviors putting me at risk of arriving in misery. Sitting in this misery causes me to crumble. I have tasted the benefits of taking action. I have an improved inner-quality of life. My perceptions have changed. My attitude and outlook have changed. These are not small gifts. They are monumental gifts which I know are a result of the effort I put forth. Others have shown me the way to attain these gifts. I am simply following the path. However, it is my personal path of recovery which is guided by internal needs. I believe in hope today. I believe life is good and is meant to be lived 150%. I believe in serenity these days. I believe serenity is a place inside which feels good and comforting. Hope and serenity keep the journey moving in new, wonderful directions, demonstrating to me the value of ongoing commitment to recovery. The one true philosophy I believe in today lets me know I am a good person persistent in the quest for opportunity to experience life in the fullest way imaginable. I need to be reminded of this when I find myself amidst chaos of emotions inside. And, I am the only one who can remind me of this truth. Others can coach me as I find my way back to be centered in my true, genuine inner-self. But I must place myself back on my personal path of the journey of recovery by keeping the ball rolling. |
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