Enlightenment: Whoever

could reach

that high?

Tonight, the moon was full. I do not really know what that means in a metaphysical sense of the world. I know what it means within my inner-self, however.  The moon is full. It is pretty to look at this evening. That is about all it means to me. I feel lucky to have seen it.

Something seems to be beckoning me forth for more tonight, though.  I am not sure what exactly it is that is beckoning forth, but I do feel the presence of the Way at work in my life. I took a Tenth Step inventory today because I needed to focus on what my goals and motives were for the day. I realized how impatient I was being with the process of the Way. As a person with chemical dependency, I tend to want things my way and right away. I overlook the Way, and I want to take control of my life again. I want to push forward with the good things that are to come my way because I deserve them. I realize the erroneous messages this pattern of thought sends to my inner-self, and taking a Tenth Step inventory sure did seem to help.

I have had some events transpire in my life recently. I seem to want to piece them together so as to achieve some kind of enlightenment as to why they are occurring in the manner they are unfolding. I want to have a greater understanding of the process taking place right in front of me. I suppose the problem is that I really let go of this type of searching some time ago. I quit searching altogether, as a matter of fact, and I found peace and serenity right inside my inner-self. But, now I am feeling restless. I am feeling as if something needs to occur on a grand scale.  I am not sure what that is. But, I do know I cannot make something like this happen. at the blink of an eye I need to wait, with patience, and meditate on the process. I do better that way. I need to have inner peace and calm.

I acknowledge the importance of keeping things simple today. I really do. I know when I was acting out on patterns of chemical dependency, I tended to complicate things very bad. I tended to drive myself to more drinking, so to say. I have learned the importance of keeping things simple, but I am continuing to learn "how to" keep things simple. The "how to" part is not so easy. I know learning to cope with my dual disorder has been difficult insofar as the "how to" part goes as well.

I really want to rush in and figure this moment out from top to bottom. I want know what my true and genuine feelings really mean. I want to know why I am feeling the way I am. I want to act on my true and genuine feelings.  I truly do. I want to move faster than is humanly possible, or really rather than is rationally possible. I want to know what the big picture is which is pulling me inward to look at all of these feelings. I want to see the people that are involved in this big picture, and I want to know what their role is in relation to my life. I want enlightenment!

I wish someone would call just to let me know they were thinking of this same question. I really wish someone would stop by to let me know they were thinking of this same question. Then, we could discuss the possibilities, but maybe this all is not realistic. I need my perceptions, attitudes, and beliefs to be believable and achievable. I need to know I can attain what I desire in life. I believe I can attain what my heart desires as long as I keep my perceptions, attitudes, and beliefs believable and achievable. Since the time I turned my life around, I feel I have experienced moments of enlightenment when I know and accept myself for the person I am on the inside as a pure and untainted spirit. These moments are when I have faith the world is working within its own natural rhythm and the rhymes of life seem to flow.

I am on the Way now. I know I have found the Way. Staying focused by utilizing the Tenth Step and patience, I will follow my desires in a healthy manner. I will have more of the Good in my life. I will know my values, beliefs, and philosophies, and I will remain centered in peace and calm. I will be patient with the process.

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